Hedonism ll in Negril, Jamaica, is like no other resort in the world. For one thing it’s nearly thirty-five years old, ancient in the resort business, and some Hedophiles have been coming here since it opened. Some twice, three times a year.

Most frequent guests join groups (Jon’s Fluffernutters, Wet, Wild and Wicked, Bubbly Bares, Biff’s Bunch [motto: Excess in Moderation], Traveling Bares etc.) and get discounts and group paraphernalia (T-shirts, caps, towels) which identify them as family in the acres of naked flesh.

Joining a group, not incidentally, is by far the best way to be invited to the best parties and have the most fun. For the single male, it’s likely the only way to get laid unless some unusually generous woman takes a liking to him and her generous partner is willing to share.

And yes, condoms are mandatory and no, men don’t get unwanted erections the first time they glimpse bare breast or pussy.

Hedo isn’t a swinger’s resort although swingers flock here during the last three weeks of January, the first week of July and mid-October.
 
In fact, Hedonism isn’t even a place, it’s a state of mind. Going Hedo is reverting to childhood before adolescence stole our freedom and innocence — when we lived every moment to its ultimate, we couldn’t embarrass ourselves and everything was available and possible and glorious fun to try.

Hedonism is all the things we’re not allowed to do at home.

Hedonism is the time before Eve ate that damned apple.

(Samantha Jones is a Canadian TV journalist whose erotic, feminist memoir, My Life In The Great Sexual Window, is available at www.lulu.com and Amazon.)
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So what’s the best way get laid at Hedonism ll in Negril, Jamaica, one of the world’s most notoriously sensual resorts?

I’m just back from there and, as a public service, consider it my bounden duty to reveal some of its secrets.

For me and most other women single or partnered, of course, getting laid is easy.

We simply turn up, take our clothes off, and head for the nude beach, bar and pool. There we find a whole bunch of naked people, many of whom are ready, willing and eager to do the jig-jig thing with us at any hour of the day or night.

Some will already be practicing varieties of jig-jig, reasonably discreetly, in the pool or the Fornicatorium grotto, just off to Delroy’s bar.

Not so easy for single guys though.

In spite of the rumours that Hedo ll is one endless bacchanal to which all comers are welcome and the sins of the flesh are celebrated indiscriminately, most single men at Hedo don’t get laid at all. Instead, they just dangle around the bar for the week drinking desperately and looking sadly  lonely.

They don’t get it that most women who go to Hedo are coupled and are therefore, if they’re looking to play, likely inclined to do it only with other couples. Also, that there are usually a lot more single men than women at Hedo.

If single guys want to get laid (and I don’t know any who don’t), Hedo has strict unwritten rules.

RULE #1:  BE MODERATE. Don’t swallow too much free booze or smoke too much of the murderous ganja (available everywhere). The combination not only turns off potential sex partners, it also leads to the dreaded and highly inconvenient dangle. (Sing…“and his dingle, dongle dangled to the dust”).

RULE #2:  DON'T BE PUSHY. Women make almost all the decisions at Hedo. If she’s interested, she’ll let you know. Erect nipples and naked booby hugs (NBHs) are considered positive signs.

RULE #3:  JOIN IN THE ACTIVITIES. I met one of the best-endowed and long-lasting men of my considerable experience under 100 feet of warm Hedo sea. You might feel like an idiot playing endless bocce on the sand. Or sliding naked, drunk and stoned down the water slide at midnight (hold your nostrils tight and keep your legs together). Or joining other guests in the silly competitions designed to make you look more than usually foolish, in the main dining room. But joining in is a fine way to meet women.

RULE #4:  JOIN A GROUP BEFORE YOU GO. You may have to pay a small fee but it’s worth it. If you go with a group you’ll likely get a discount and sometimes the group hat and towel which identify you as family in all the acres of naked flesh. The groups have the best parties (use your imagination) to which non-group members simply aren’t invited. Among Hedo groups are Jon’s Fluffernutters (I’m a member), Wet, Wild and Wicked, Bubbly Bares, Biff’s Bunch (motto: Excess in Moderation), and Traveling Bares. They’re all Hedophiles, all sybarites and, like me, all dedicated to unendurable pleasure, infinitely prolonged.

If you’re a horny single male and follow my rules, I can’t guarantee you’ll get laid. But I can pretty well guarantee that if you don’t, you’ll stay a Hedovirgin the whole time you’re there.

So come on down and maybe we’ll meet sometime around Delroy’s bar. I’ll be the middle-aged, single, streaked-blonde with the 36 DD boobs drinking banana daiquiris and smiling a lot.

(Samantha Jones is the author of the erotic, feminist memoir "My Life In The Great Sexual Window" available through www.lulu.com and Amazon.)
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I had sex with Sue yesterday.

Don’t misunderstand me, we didn’t actually do it (not that there’s anything wrong with that and, anyway, she looks pretty good). I just tuned into Sue McGarvie’s web site, www.sexwithsue.com, to find out how Canada’s self-styled “International Sex Expert Therapist Syndicated radio and television host” is doing.

She’s doing fine. All sorts of good advice on improving the female libido (apparently more than half of us women have a problem here), finding the G Spot (don’t worry about the urge to pee, it will go away), female ejaculation (give me 40 minutes and we’ll train you to have her reach an incredible G spot orgasm), improving your guy’s penis size (be the guy who has women falling at your feet and writing your number on bathroom walls) and handling his premature ejaculation (recondition his head, penis and orgasmic triggers, train his muscle memory).  

All quite fascinating. But the part that really interests me is her review of Hedonism ll, the notorious clothing-optional, all-inclusive resort in Negril, Jamaica. You see, I spent last Christmas there (my sixth visit over the years) and have pictures to prove it, most of them taken in the nude beach grotto known as The Fornicatorium where many come and anything goes. I’d love to show you the pics but doubt if my TV employers would be amused. Morals clause, you know!

Anyway, here’s the Sue site where I blogged her:

Interested in going to Hedonism? If you’re looking for a 5-star hotel with a gourmet restaurant where everything works impeccably, things happen on time and as advertised, the staff call you sir or madam and the rooms are better than home, this isn’t the place for you.

In fact Hedonism ll, 3-star at best, is a little battered (except for a huge, incongruously splendid gym), the food mediocre (don’t even think of eating at the appalling pseudo-Japanese restaurant), the nude beach small, the ocean shallows rocky underfoot, marine life over-fished and rooms worse than home if you don’t count sexy mirrored ceilings.

However, it has all the usual Caribbean pleasures (scuba diving, sailing, water skiing, tennis, squash etc.), is reasonably priced, pours free booze (never once seen a real drunk there!) provides superb jerk chicken at the nude beach and, best of all, offers that ultimate, indefinable delight which only comes when the weather is hot, the sea warm, the sand soft and your fellow guests spend almost all their time naked (never once seen an inappropriate erection there!).

There's something about hanging around a beach in the hot sun drinking cold Red Stripe with delightfully friendly naked people that lessens inhibitions, clears the complexion, raises the breasts, tightens the tummy and even (when appropriate) makes the uterus contract.

Sue’s advice (I agree) is “every woman should celebrate her divorce, bachelor party, or experience the liberating safety of Hedonism once in her lifetime.”

If you decide to go, let me know and maybe we’ll meet at the nude bar next to the nude pool near The Fornicatorium one warm and sensual frangipani-scented evening.


(Samantha Jones is a Canadian journalist publishing her erotic memoir at www.lulu.com)

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My First Blog 04/04/2009
 



This is my first blog so please be gentle.

I'm the author of the new book a lot of people are talking about, My Life In The Great Sexual Window. It's about that magic window for women (and men) — after the invention of the pill and penicillin and before the AIDS plague — when we women could have sex (mostly) without fear of pregnancy or disease. The book's selling so well that I'm already working on a successor. Which is why I'm here blogging.

I'm looking for ideas, particularly from people who've read My Life In The Great Sexual Window (available through www.lulu.com) and enjoyed it.

For instance, last Christmas I had a lovely time on my sixth visit to Hedonism ll in Negril, Jamaica, notorious for its louche, sybaritic and (delightfully) debauched lifestyle. Chapter 53 (The Honey Trap) is set in Hedonism.

I'm wondering if people think it would be interesting to focus my next book entirely on Hedonism. The place isn't just sun, sand, sex and dope, although those are fascinating enough in themselves. Its also developed whole clans of guests with websites, newsletters and names like Jon's Fluffernutters, Tub Time Slushers, Grin And Bare It and Traveling Bares who seem to centre their lives around visits to Hedonism. Some of the groups also contribute to local charities in the name of Giving Back To Jamaica.

Or do you think I should concentrate a lot more on my life and loves while working as a TV journalist (which I really only touched on in My Life In The Great Sexual Window)?

Hugs.


(Samantha Jones is a Canadian journalist publishing her erotic memoir at www.lulu.com)

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