PlayGirl approached Samantha Jones for an interview in early 2009. She agreed to a Skype audio interview only and said she’d contact us “sometime between eight and midnight.” She finally called just after midnight and refused to tell us where she was. Our geeks zeroed in on “probably Jamaica, possibly Negril” but couldn’t get closer. We talked for around 15 minutes and this is an edited version of our often weird conversation.

PLAYGIRL (PG): So, who are you and why do you use the pseudonym Samantha Jones?

SAMANTHA JONES: (Sound of partying). None of your goddam business.

PG: This is not a good start.

SAMANTHA JONES: Sorry. Look, do you want to talk about my book or what? I’ve just come back from night scuba diving … incredibly exciting … there are seven types of shark out there … and my friends have already started the party. Lots of champagne and ganja! Come on down, honey.

PG: Ok. Sorry. Let me try again. Why the pseudonym? Why Samantha Jones which is the name of Kim Cattrall's character in the TV series Sex And The City? Why not Fifi la Bangbang, for instance? Or Mildred Smith?

SAMANTHA JONES: I started out looking for a combination of a really sexy and exotic first name and wanted to pair it with a very ordinary family name. For contrast. I liked Samantha because it's feline and can be shortened to the boyish Sam and I think that's sexy. And Jones is about as ordinary as you can get. So when I put it all together I became Samantha Jones. But I’m not her. (Laughs). And she’s not me. At least, I don’t think so (laughs).

PG: So you just stole it … the name, I mean?

SAMANTHA JONES: (Ignoring the question) Also, I met Kim Cattrall a few years back in Ottawa and I really liked her and thought she was a really, really interesting person and very sexy and intelligent. And then I thought of the power of her character’s name in Sex And The City and how she has sex a lot like a man has sex … which is whenever she wants and very much like me. So it all just fitted together.

PG: So you're not Kim?

SAMANTHA: I suppose it’s always possible that I’m actually Kim Cattrall and I’m using this book to lay the basis for some new project all my own. But …(Long pause). Do you have any other questions? There’s this incredibly sexy English guy at the party with a ginormous yacht just off the beach who wants me to …

PG: (Hurriedly) Of course. So you’re not Kim Cattrall but your web site says you’re a Canadian TV journalist and news anchor. Is that true?

SAMANTHA: Yes. At different times, eh.

PG: How can we know that it's true?

SAMANTHA: You can’t. Is there anything else? I’m getting hungry … you should see the men here … and the temperature is somewhere around thirty degrees … and we’re all on this beach … not a swimsuit in sight …

PG: Please don’t go. Samantha. Which Canadian TV do you … did you … work for?

SAMANTHA: (Louder sound of partying). Hello. You still there? Don’t you want to know how much of my book is true?

PG: Will you tell me? Honestly, I mean?

SAMANTHA: Probably not. But you can ask.

PG: How much of your book is true?

SAMANTHA: You want the truth?

PG: Yes.

SAMANTHA: Ok, it’s so lovely here and I’m having a really, really good time, so I’ll tell you the truth. What’s your question again?

PG: How much of My Life In The Great Sexual Window is true?

SAMANTHA: The great American architect Frank Lloyd Wright once wrote that the truth is more important than the facts. I agree. The truth is always more important than the facts. (Pause) To answer your question with a question, how much of your life story is true? How much gets cleaned up for public consumption?

PG: You have a point … but this isn’t an interview about me. How much is true? You’ve already admitted that getting an Academy award is fantasy, but did you really screw the American president in the White House?

SAMANTHA:  Yes.

PG: Which one?

SAMANTHA: The big one in Washington on Pennsylvania Avenue. Pillars in front. You can’t miss it.

PG: I mean which president?

SAMANTHA: It certainly wasn’t Nixon. I’d rather die … I'd rather fuck ghosties and ghoulies and long-legged beasties and things that go bump in the night!* (laughs).

PG: So, which one?

SAMANTHA: Use your imagination.

PG: Ok. Can’t be Jimmy Carter because he only lusted in his imagination. Reagan maybe, although I think he was more bluster than action and before your time. So was Kennedy. The Bushes didn’t have a cock between them. So it only leaves …

SAMANTHA: La de da …

PG: How was he? Just between us girls.

SAMANTHA: You know … there’s something about power and a very confident swordsman that translates for a woman. Makes things inevitable … including … how can I say it … excellence.

PG: How do you mean?

SAMANTHA: Read the book. The chapter's called "The Presidential Pussy".

PG: I have. Loved it. In it you describe yourself as having purple eyes, straight dark blonde hair, long slim legs, five foot eight with, and I quote, “big breasts and nipples that get conveniently hard whenever it’s hot or cold or I’m excited or it’s Thursday or I just need some attention.” Is this accurate?

SAMANTHA: (Laughs) I think I said huge breasts. But roughly, yes.

PG: You seem to have an obsession with your breasts.

SAMANTHA: (Unintelligible) … you had boobs like these puppies you’d be obsessed too, honey.

PG: How’s the book selling?

SAMANTHA: (Unintelligible) … more money than I ever made as an anchor.

PG: Getting back to the main question … the book is loaded with you having really heavy sex … how much is true?

SAMANTHA: Be specific.

PG: Ok. You’re the only woman I’ve ever heard of who admits to being a nymphomaniac. Is that true?

SAMANTHA: It’s true that I admit it. (Pause). It’s probably also true that I'm nympho … if you count all the sex I’ve had over the years. Like I say in the book, I have sex like a man has sex … where and when and with whoever I want, whenever I want … so I guess that makes me a nymphomaniac.

PG: Did you really blow a bishop?

SAMANTHA: Yes.

PG: Did you really get your journalism degree by screwing your professor?

SAMANTHA: (Laughs). Yes. How’d you get yours?

PG: (Hurriedly) And did you really go to all those orgies … particularly at The Dungeon … where everyone screws everyone else?

SAMANTHA: Yes. You sound jealous. Look honey, I’ve really got to go.

PG: Ok, final question. The Sisterhood of the Golden Collar, dedicated to, in your words, unendurable pleasure for women, infinitely prolonged. Is it real? How can I make contact … for my research?

SAMANTHA: (Laughs) Yes, it’s real. And it’s marvellous, particularly if you like unendurable pleasure infinitely prolonged. Sorry honey, you have to be recommended and guaranteed by a member to join. Now I’ve really got to go. There’s just something about naked people at parties I really, really like. (Loud sound of party) Stop it … stop it … oh, that’s nice … (Phone goes dead).

* Old Scottish prayer.